Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Pedicure Pledge

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise your big toes and repeat after me: As a member of the Sandal Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit.

My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

No matter how much it hurts. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him..

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

And finally... I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.



kemeche said...

I love this post. I am laughing so hard this morning. I also agree with you 100%. Now I must go check my inventory of flip flops and make sure to abide by the rules.

Trish said...

Okay...where do I sign? and who is going to pay for my pedicures? JK!! I can't do that myself. Your post is hilarious!

Melissa Southerland said...

I got my first pedicure of the year on Saturday! My toes are ready to go :)

Anonymous said...

Love you

Anonymous said...

Glad you decided to share all of that with us, Ab. I was concerned about your foot health and appearance.

mrstiab said...

ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS POST!!!!! This should be required reading for all sandal wearing women:)

Posh Mommy said...

Very impressed! Last month I bought all the pedicure necessities and used them on the same day. I should be set!